


I Make You Bloom

by sekaiworld



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Lightsaber (EXO Music Video), Alternate Universe - Star Wars, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Oh Sehun, Crying, Dom Kim Jongin | Kai, Dom/sub, Handcuffs, Humiliation, Light Bondage, M/M, Masochism, Pain Kink, Rough Sex, Sadism, Smut, Spanking, Spit As Lube, Sub Oh Sehun, Top Kim Jongin | Kai, insufficient prep, jedi!sehun, not a happy ending but an open ending?, possible trigger warning - very brief suicidal thought but not acted upon, sith!jongin, star wars verse, typical ik
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 02:13:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13824324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sekaiworld/pseuds/sekaiworld
Summary: a fucked up take on a star wars verse sekai. probably don't read this.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from a line both jongin and sehun sing in the korean version of lightsaber.
> 
> songs I listened to while writing - lightsaber (chinese ver.)  
> \- lightsaber (korean ver.)  
> \- lightsaber (japanese ver.)  
> \- hurt (exo-m)  
> \- hurt (exo-k)
> 
> _Text in italics are flashbacks._

Sehun sighs as he walks through the open doorway into Seoul Pub. It’s been a long time since he’s gotten a break, and boy, is he going to use it well. Chasing only the most dangerous Jedi-gone-Sith happens to be a tiring job, believe it or not.

“Hey!” someone calls, yanking Sehun out of his thoughts. He looks toward his right to see a man scrubbing glasses toss a thumb backwards over his shoulder, gesturing to a sign reading in big letters, “ _Security Notice,_ ” surrounded by red like a flashing warning. Just below that, in smaller, black lettering, reads, “ _Concealed sabers are prohibited in this facility._ ”

Sehun internally groans but pulls his lightsaber from his belt and hands it to the man anyway. He always feels safer with it on his person, like all Jedi, but he’d rather not start a fight for the sake of his own paranoia.

There are groups of people and creatures surrounding the several pool tables that dot the center as Sehun walks further into the bar, a few outliers merely watching from the corners. As Sehun passes one of the tables, he catches a glimpse of a man with long, dark hair bending over it and he licks his lips involuntarily. Maybe he’d have something else to keep him company tonight aside from a glass of alcohol if the evening plays in his favor.

Approaching the counter, he gives a nod to the bartender as he sits down in one of the chairs. The cushion is thin and ratty but he can’t really expect anything more from a bar. The air feels thick with the scents of alcohol as Sehun details his order, and he takes a long drink when his glass is slid across the countertop to him.

As the ryll beer slowly starts settling into his veins, the pounding music and flashing lights fading into the background, Sehun’s thoughts begin to wander places he normally doesn’t allow himself to dwell on. Thoughts on the Jedi Code, the High Council, and...Kai.

 

 _“Sehun, get up, get up, get up! Master’s going to yell at_ me _again even though_ you’re _the one who’s always making us late!”_

_Sehun merely turned his head to the other side of his pillow, not even bothering to open his eyes. In his opinion, sleeping was much better than training. The next second, his pillow was ripped out from under his head and Sehun’s eyes shot open in shock, head falling down to the bare mattress as he looked up into the face of Kim Jongin._

_“You’re awake! Now, let’s go!” Jongin said much too enthusiastically at six in the morning, his boxy smile stretching across his face. He didn’t give Sehun another moment of reprieve as he grabbed the younger boy’s hands and dragged him out of bed._

_“Okay, okay, I’m up,” Sehun whined, shaking Jongin’s hand off his wrists and slowing pushing himself off the floor._

_“Hurry up and get your robes on!” Jongin threw Sehun’s Jedi robes over his head and hopped impatiently from foot to foot while Sehun slid his arms into the brown and cream fabric._

_Jongin grabbed Sehun’s hand and pulled him out the door the second Sehun finished tying his belt off, a 3PO unit wishing them a good morning as they dashed down the halls to their lesson._

 

_“Jongin, you’re getting too close to Sehun. I think it’s time for you to let him go. I’ve already arranged for you two to start training separately.”_

_Sehun’s heart started beating faster and he inhaled sharply. Their Master was thinking they were getting too close? He pressed his ear further against the door, straining to hear Jongin’s answer._

_“What?!” came Jongin’s indignant answer, and Sehun breathed out quietly in relief. He doesn’t know what he would have done if Jongin had agreed. “That’s stupid! You can’t separate us just because we’re best friends. Does it say in the Jedi Code that you can’t have friends?”_

_Sehun heard their Master sigh._

_“No, Jongin. However, I feel your emotions are getting too caught up with Sehun, and I can’t allow that to compromise you or your training. What would you do for him, if he was hurting or in danger?”_

_“Anything,” Jongin responded immediately and fiercely. “I’d lay down my life for him.”_

_Sehun felt pleasantly warm from Jongin’s words, a feeling rising in his stomach that he couldn’t put a finger to, but that had been happening frequently recently anytime Jongin was around._

_“That’s exactly why I’m separating you. You cannot have those kinds of sentiments if you ever want to become a Jedi. They will jeopardize you and the people around you if you act upon them during a battle.”_

_Jongin didn’t answer, and Sehun only had a few seconds warning to hide as he heard Jongin stomping across the room, footsteps growing louder with every step as he approached the door Sehun was listening through. Sehun whirled around to hide behind the pillar just to the sides of the door right as Jongin swung it open, and Sehun didn’t dare breathe until Jongin had passed down the hall out of sight._

 

 _Sehun didn’t see much of Jongin around the Jedi temple very often anymore, so they spent the time they were able to steal with each other well. The sun was bright as it shone down onto the field they had chosen to take their leave in that afternoon, as most other afternoons, too, but the slight breeze blowing through the stalks of grass kept the heat from rising to uncomfortable temperatures. Sehun was enraptured by the way Jongin’s lips moved when he talked, and his soft brown curls cascading over his forehead didn’t help Sehun’s situation much. He felt warm, warmer than what he could soak up from the sun, but he merely dismissed it as just being happy he could spend some time with Jongin after so long. He couldn't actually have_ feelings _for Jongin, right?_

_“...don’t you think? Sehun? Sehun!”_

_Sehun blinked as Jongin’s hand waved in front of his face, and he felt his cheeks heat up at the small pout gracing Jongin’s mouth._

_“Weren’t you listening to anything I was saying?”_

_“S-sorry,” Sehun stuttered. “What did you ask? I accidentally spaced out, I guess...”_

_“I can tell,” Jongin said, frown gone and amusement apparent in his voice. “I was just asking if you think the Code’s rulings on emotions and love and stuff are stupid or not.”_

_“Um,” Sehun said intelligently, cheeks flushing red again at Jongin’s blunt question. Why was he asking about love?_

_“I don’t know,” Sehun answered truthfully. “I mean, I guess it makes sense within the ideas of not allowing yourself to get close to people that might interfere with your judgement on the battlefield?”_

_Jongin started to bristle, but Sehun cut him off before he could say anything with, “but, for me personally, I wouldn’t be able to cut myself off from everybody. I don’t know, I feel like...my emotions help me to become a better Jedi? Like my motivation to stopping the Dark Side isn’t just driven by wanting to keep a balance, but it’s also because I want to keep the people I care about safe?" Sehun shook his head. "Sorry, I’m probably just...rambling.” Sehun could feel Jongin’s eyes on him, but he refused to look up, instead twirling a few pieces of grass between his fingers._

_“Is there someone you have feelings for, Sehun?” Jongin asked after a few beats of silence._

_Now Sehun looked up at Jongin with wide eyes, and he was shocked to see Jongin staring right back at him, his gaze so deep Sehun almost felt like Jongin was sifting through his secrets he kept locked away._

_Suddenly, some winged creature burst out of the grass with an ugly squawk several feet away from them and shattered their concentration, both snapping their gazes to the source of the sound. When Sehun looked back, his heart was racing, and he avoided Jongin’s gaze for a second time as he glanced up to the sky._

_“It’s getting late, we should probably head back before anyone realizes we’re gone,” Sehun said in a rush as he shakily stood up. Jongin didn’t say anything but stood up as well, brushing his robes off. The only sounds as they walked back to the Temple were the crunching of the grass under their feet and the humming of the brittle tension left between them._

 

 _“_ Terror-inspiring young Sith Lord Darth Kai’s kill count rounds up to a devastating number of 19 in this past month. The Coronet City Times investigates: Are more and more clues starting to indicate that Darth Kai is actually former Jedi trainee Kim Jongin?"

_Tears welled up and fell down Sehun’s cheeks at the casual way the news article discussed Jongin, like he was some exciting mystery to be solved._

That’s my friend, _Sehun silently sobbed, shutting his pad off with a harsh flick of his wrist before collapsing down onto the bed, stuttering gasps escaping him. Every part of him hurt, had been hurting since the day Jongin left. Sehun had tried to stop him, but that look in Jongin’s eyes...it was like he hadn’t seen anything at all. The only thing Sehun was left with was Jongin’s broken lightsaber, crushed in Jongin’s fist before dropping it unceremoniously at Sehun’s feet. Sehun knew the minute rumors had started rising about a new Sith Lord that it was Jongin, and he blamed himself every day for not trying to help Jongin sooner, for being blind to the struggles his friend was facing._

There is no emotion, there is peace…

There is no emotion, there is peace…

There is no emotion, there is peace…

_Sehun chanted the line of the Code over and over again in his head but it made no difference to his heart._

 

Sehun grimaces as he takes another swig of his drink, memories far too detailed for his liking surfacing too easily in his mind. He had to pretend like there was nothing he wanted more than to hunt down Jongin--no, _Kai,_ Sehun reminds himself, _the Jongin I know is gone_ \--the next day when the Council called him down to do just that. His braid had been severed before he had completed his final trial to become an official Jedi, but the Council deemed him trained enough to go after Kai. Sehun had been chasing after him ever since, unsure of what he was really going to do when he caught up to Kai. The Council had ordered him to either kill Kai to bring him in for the Council to deal with, and Sehun wasn’t sure he would have the strength to do either. That is, if Kai didn’t kill him first. Tonight had been the first night Sehun had let himself take off after months of fruitless searching and dead ends.

The volume of chatter within the bar suddenly decreases, and Sehun assumes it is merely because an overly attractive stranger had walked in until the hairs on his arms stand straight up and he realizes he _recognizes_ the presence of the person that had just entered. His back straightens automatically and his fingers instinctively twitch towards his lightsaber--only to realize it was still in possession of the man who had taken it from him when he walked in and his heart sinks, fear settling into his veins. It can't be--there’s no _way_ it can be Kai, coming to the exact same bar Sehun had on his one night off, unarmed and his fighting edge dulled by his drink.

He doesn’t even have time to turn around before there is hot breath on the back of his neck and a voice in his ear purring, “Long time no see, darling,” and Sehun gasps in a breath as a flash of red lights up his vision and suddenly there is a glowing red lightsaber buzzing at his throat. Sehun freezes, trying not to wince away from the heat of the saber, and a hand finds its way into his hair and yanks his head back, exposing his neck and forcing him to look up into the face of the man above him.

“Hey there, Sehun,” says Kai, grinning down at Sehun with that boxy smile he used to love so damn much. “It’s good to see your pretty face again.”

By now the bar had gone completely silent, no one daring to move or make a single sound in fear of being decapitated by the Sith with a grip on the Jedi that was supposed to save them all.

Sehun doesn’t have a chance to speak before Kai’s focus is already elsewhere in the room, his gaze landing on the man who took Sehun’s lightsaber away.

“You,” Kai calls, narrowing his eyes at him. “Give me this one’s saber.” He tugs sharply on Sehun’s hair still in his grasp to emphasize _this one’s,_ drawing a silent gasp from the boy in question as he curses whatever actions he had made to lead him up to this exact moment. Sehun had stopped having nightmares about Kai years ago, but he would trade that in in a second for this scene right now to only be a dream.

The man at the entrance doesn’t hesitate for a second, clearly more concerned with keeping his head where it belongs than the freedom of the galaxy. He quickly holds up Sehun’s lightsaber, letting out an undignified squeak of shock when Kai summons it to him. He lets go of Sehun’s hair to snatch the saber from the air, but his own red lightsaber is still spitting and crackling at Sehun’s throat.

“ _Move,_ ” Kai hisses in Sehun’s ear amidst the silence of the bar, shoving him off the chair after having pocketed Sehun’s lightsaber. Sehun obeys, at a loss for any other options.

The cold air hits Sehun’s face as they exit the bar, the clouds above blocking out the moon, and Kai switches his lightsaber off before pushing it against Sehun’s spine, taking one of Sehun’s wrists in his free hand.

“If you make one wrong move,” Kai whispers, “I turn this thing on, and our precious Sehunnie gets turned into a kyren kebab. Got it?”

Sehun nods, trying to stifle the whimper threatening to rise up in his throat. He hadn’t seen Kai for so long, and now Kai is taking him to who knows where probably to kill him. Sehun’s failed the Jedi Council, himself, and even Kai. He wants nothing more than to collapse onto the ground and curl up into a ball, but the prodding of Kai’s lightsaber against his back and the vice-like grip around his forearm as they wind their way through the streets remind him he has no choice to do anything but what Kai wants now.

Kai turns Sehun around one last corner and suddenly there is his ship, looming up out the darkness with a silvery glow. Sehun doesn’t even get the chance to admire it properly (despite all of Kai’s faults, he had a pretty damn good ship) before Kai is swiping his hand in front of Sehun’s face, and Sehun’s eyes fall closed as he slips into blackness.

 

There is a humming in Sehun’s bones. His eyelids feel sticky and heavy, and when he finally manages to blink them open, he starts when he finds himself lying on the bottom of a ship. _A ship...Kai. Kai--where the fuck is he?_

Sehun scans the chamber but there is no sign of Kai, and he lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. Whatever Kai had done to him sent exhaustion settling through his muscles, and he doesn’t even have the will to push himself up off the floor.

Something lying off to the side of him lights up and catches his attention. He shifts his head and his gaze lands on his phone, apparently having slid out of his pocket at some point. It's illuminated with an incoming phone call from Baekhyun.

A wave of relief crashes down over Sehun so strong he feels like crying. If he could even tell Baekhyun simply that he was in trouble, then he could send a search party out and maybe discover wherever Kai is taking him. Even a _chance_ of getting rescued is better than none.

Sehun stretches out with his left hand, and just as his fingertips brush the bottom of the phone, a foot comes out of nowhere and presses down onto Sehun’s hand. Sehun’s heart sinks to the floor when he looks up into Kai’s smirking face, the pain in his fingers hardly noticeable compared to the pain in chest from the freedom that he was close to crushed by Kai’s boot.

“Well, we can’t have that, now, can we?” Kai says, lifting his foot off Sehun’s hand in favor of kicking the phone out of reach.

In a burst of anger, Sehun shoots his hands out to summon his lightsaber still peeking out of Kai’s pocket, and in the second it takes for him to shakily jump to his feet and switch it on, Kai has his saber out and buzzing as well, already crouched into fighting position.

“Oh, I was hoping you’d give me a fight,” Kai laughs. “It makes it all the more fun for me.”

Sehun doesn’t waste another second before jumping at Kai with a yell. Green and red sabers clash together and send sparks flying around the ship as they rain blows down on each other. Kai looks hardly stressed, and Sehun only presses harder. His muscles are straining, still drained from whatever Kai had done to him earlier, but he’s determined not to lose. He _can’t_ lose.

Sehun and Kai are fairly evenly matched, and they circle around each other, neither finding a weakness in the other to grab hold of and push them back with. The only sound that fills the ship is the crackling of the lightsabers and their panting. Sehun chances a look around the ship when he finds himself in offense again--maybe there was some way he could escape if he couldn’t outright beat Kai in a fight--and then suddenly his hands are grasping at nothing as Kai knocks his saber out of his hands, the red lightsaber catching on the bottom and slicing a corner off.

Sehun reels backwards, mouth open and eyebrows furrowed in silent shock at the heat transferred from the metal hilt to his hands, and the next thing he knows is Kai’s lightsaber is up against his neck for the second time that night. The adrenaline feels like it drains out of his body all at once, leaving him empty, tired, and an awful mix of upset and angry for letting his guard down for too long.

“Good, Sehunnie,” Kai pants. “But not good enough.”

Kai stretches out a hand behind him, and something whizzes through the ship to land in his palm. Without removing the saber from Sehun’s neck, Kai reaches down and grabs Sehun’s hands, slipping whatever he had summoned over them. Sehun bites his lip in an effort not to jerk away, knowing any movement he makes will end up with his head on the floor. It is only when Kai lowers his lightsaber and steps back that Sehun looks down and finds a pair of handcuffs secured around his wrists. They look simple; a pair of plain, silver metal rings with a thick bar connecting them instead of a chain. Sehun looks back up at Kai with an eyebrow raised, still trying to calm his heart from the fight but determined not to let Kai notice.

Sehun stretches out his fingers to summon the Force, to test how strong the cuffs really are, but his heart skips a beat when the familiar tingling feeling doesn’t come.

“What did you do?” Sehun asks frantically when he tries again but to no avail. “Why can’t I use the Force?”

“They’re Force-blocking cuffs, darling,” Kai sighs. “Come on, I thought you’d be smarter than this.”

Blinded by betrayal and the tears of frustration beginning to well up in his eyes, Sehun rushes at Kai, but before he can get two feet forward Kai shoots out his hand and holds Sehun in place, wrapping the Force around him like rope.

Sehun collapses to the floor with a sob rising up in his throat. He doesn’t look at Kai for the rest of the flight.

 

“We made it,” Kai says, stepping back into the chamber where Sehun hasn’t moved from his spot. “Come on, get up.”

Sehun clumsily stands to his feet, gaze trained on the floor even when Kai leads him outside the ship and over to the doors of a building. Before they walk inside, Kai takes off his coat and drapes it around Sehun, effectively covering up his bound hands. Sehun almost chokes with the familiar scent that unwillingly brings him back to when he would rest his head on Jongin’s lap in the field of grass.

As it turns out, the coat was unnecessary, as they didn’t run into a single person inside the hotel. Kai had shoved Sehun quickly into an elevator and took them both up to the top floor, and Sehun got a glimpse of the number nine before practically being tackled into the room. He was pushed against the wall where Kai then raised his hands above his head and secured the handcuffs to a protruding fixture.

Kai steps back and sits down in a chair in the middle of the room, a satisfied smirk on his face as Sehun tugs on the cuffs, testing how strong they were hooked up to the wall.

“Why are you doing this?” Sehun says, giving up with a huff and letting his arms hang loose. “Why not just kill me?”

“I don’t know, maybe I want to keep you here as my pet,” Kai responds, and he lets out a laugh at the look on Sehun’s face. “Oh, come on, Sehunnie, don’t pretend you’ve never wanted me. You know,” he continues, “I’ve realized a lot of things since leaving the Jedi Order, and the fact that you returned my feelings for you was definitely a big one.”

Kai gets up out of the chair to lean against the back, crossing his arms as he examines the emotions flashing over Sehun’s face.

“You...you had feelings for me?” Sehun asks softly, disbelievingly, but then bites his tongue and squeezes his eyes shut as he tries to remind just where the fuck he is and that the person in front of him is _not_ Jongin.

“Sehun, Sehun, Sehun,” Kai says in a disappointed tone, clicking his tongue, “did they really not teach you any better about hiding your emotions? Your thoughts are easier for me to read than a children’s book.”

Sehun keeps his eyes closed as Kai continues.

“I’m very much the same person I was all those years ago, just…” Kai pauses, soft shuffling noises taking up the silence. “More enlightened.”

Suddenly there is a tight grip on Sehun’s chin, and he snaps his eyes open in shock to see Kai’s face only a few inches away from his own.

“I still want you,” Kai whispers, and Sehun stifles a conflicted noise as his gaze wanders over the person he used to love--and in some small, twisted part of himself--still does love.

A few moments pass and Sehun is so lost in the older boy’s eyes that he doesn’t even realize where Kai’s other hand had been wandering until it strokes up the inside of Sehun’s thigh, much too high for comfort.

“Ah--Kai!” Sehun says frantically, trying to look down, but his movements are halted by Kai’s almost bruising grip still on his jaw. “What are you doing?!”

Kai lets his gaze wander over Sehun’s face for a moment before he murmurs, “taking you,” with lidded eyes, and he leans forwards to capture Sehun’s lips in a rough kiss.

It takes several seconds of Kai’s mouth moving against his own for Sehun to fully comprehend what was happening, but once he did he fought against every instinct inside of him shrieking to melt into the kiss and he bit down hard on Kai’s bottom lip instead.

Kai recoils instantly, staring at Sehun with a betrayed look on his face while he raises a hand to touch his lip that was now beading up with blood.

“Stop it, Kai,” Sehun pants, overwhelmed and close to tears at the fact that the first kiss he shared with the boy he had loved for so long was happening under these terms. “I can’t. Not like this. Maybe a while ago, but not now. We could have made it happen if you hadn’t run away,” he adds in a quiet voice, tears now beginning to spill over onto his face.

“No, it couldn’t have!” Kai shouts immediately in response. “It couldn’t have happened because of the Jedi Code!” Blood is still bubbling up on his lip as he continues. “If we hadn’t had those rules pounded into us since we were _four,_ we could have had a life together, Sehun! Where did that code even get you, huh?! Right here, at my mercy, with your emotions running wild because you still can’t _fucking_ control how you feel about me!”

Sehun is shaking his head back and forth, tears streaking down his cheeks at Kai’s words.

“You don’t get to say no to this,” Kai says with wild eyes, and that’s all the warning Sehun gets before Kai’s lips are back on his own, his hands tangled in Sehun’s hair.

Sehun tries to shrink away from Kai as the metallic taste of blood is pushed into his mouth, but the grip on his hair is too tight and prevents him from turning his head away. He can’t breathe, Kai’s lips stealing the air from his mouth, and he almost starts coughing as he gasps in a breath when Kai finally pulls away.

“Don’t try to pretend you don’t want it this way anyway, Sehunnie,” Kai says, a glint appearing in his eyes. “You think I don’t know what you like?”

That gets Sehun’s attention; he stares wide-eyed at Kai in barely concealed fear as his heart begins thumping much too loud.

Kai lets out a laugh at Sehun’s reaction.

“There were many nights I would come into your bedroom after I left the Jedi Order to watch you sleep, to get my fill of your pretty face, but, boy, the things I heard…” Kai tsks, and then clears his throat before throwing out a crude imitation of Sehun. “Oh, Jongin! Jongin, fuck me harder! Please, Jongin!”

As Kai smirks at him in triumph, Sehun can’t decide which is stronger--his embarrassment and inability to deny Kai’s claims or the wave of horror washing down his spine at the revelation that Kai used to come into his room without his knowing and _watch him sleep,_ but everything flies out of his head except for a growing sense of dread as Kai continues.

“Is that what you want me to do, Sehunnie?” Kai asks, a smile growing bigger and bigger on his face. “Fuck you so hard that you're crying and begging for me to let you come? Tie you up and make you choke on my dick? Spank you ‘till your ass is all red? You’d love that, wouldn’t you?”

Sehun lets out a soft whimper, wanting to hide the arousal curling shamefully in his stomach, but the older boy’s words and the handcuffs pinning him to wall aren’t making it any easier.

Before he can say anything in an attempt to disregard Kai’s statements, Kai presses Sehun harshly against the wall with no warning and his hands begin wandering along the inside of Sehun’s thighs again.

“Kai--stop it! Kai, please...” Sehun begs, wriggling as much as he can crushed up against the wall to get _away_ from Kai, but he doesn’t budge and only smirks when he strokes Sehun’s dick through his jeans to find it already half hard. Sehun shuts his eyes tight and lets his head fall back against the wall, gritting his jaw and concentrating all of his willpower on not making a sound.

“Don’t worry, baby, soon you’ll be begging just like that, but instead you’ll be begging for my cock to fill you up just right like you were made for me,” Kai says.

Before Sehun can respond, Kai is yanking the handcuffs off the wall and suddenly Sehun finds himself on his knees, hands in his lap but still locked together. Kai grasps his chin and forces him to look up, and Sehun can’t pull away.

“You look so good like this, Sehunnie,” Kai says breathily as he lets go of Sehun’s jaw, and he has only a second to comprehend Kai’s words before the older boy is unzipping his leather pants and pushing his cock past Sehun’s already parted lips into his mouth.

Sehun chokes on the unexpected warmth sliding into his mouth, eyes watering as he instinctively tries to pull away but Kai’s hands find their way back into Sehun’s hair to hold him in place.

Kai lets out a groan, rolling his hips rather than pulling back out and Sehun wants to bite him. Kai feels heavy and hot in his mouth and the tang of precome drips down onto his tongue. Kai gives a few shallow thrusts, and then--

“Think you can take all of me?” Kai asks as he looks down, and Sehun’s eyes widen at the implications but he has no room to protest as Kai slowly pushes further into his throat. It’s too fast, too soon, and Sehun gags at the intrusion. Anger blossoms in his chest when Kai only moans and presses in a little further. His throat constricts around the head of Kai’s cock and he swallows instinctively, pulling more sounds from Kai as tears spill over onto his cheek again.

He tries to focus everything on trying to breathe through his nose while Kai inhales sharply above him, clearly relishing in the feeling of Sehun’s mouth wrapped around his length. Kai lets out a shaky moan as he bottoms out and Sehun has no room to twist away between the cock in his mouth and hands in his hair. The only thing he can do is sit there and take it as Kai begins to thrust in and out of his mouth.

Sehun’s throat clenches around Kai’s cock each time he pushes in, drawing tiny, muffled cries from Sehun as Kai begins to speed up. The muscles in his neck are tense as Kai fucks in and out, and a thin thread of saliva falls from his bottom lip.

Just as Sehun feels it getting to be too much for him to handle, eyes wet with tears and throat convulsing so often he can’t breathe, Kai slows to a stop, resting his hands on Sehun’s shoulders and closing his eyes as he tries to control his breathing.

“Not like this,” he says, almost more to himself than Sehun, before his eyes flick back open to land on Sehun’s face. “We haven’t even gotten to the fun part yet,” he smirks.

Before Sehun even realizes what’s happening, Kai pulls out of his mouth and slings him up onto a bed in the corner, and he can’t even struggle when Kai magnetizes the handcuffs to the bed frame because he’s too busy gasping in deep breaths of oxygen.

When Sehun finally refocuses, Kai has tucked himself back into his pants and is now looking down at him with his eyebrows slightly drawn together.

“Probably should have gotten your shirt off earlier…” he muses, “ but oh well.”

Kai is reaches down and rips his shirt straight down the middle, ignoring Sehun’s shocked squeak as he pushes it off the side, exposing Sehun’s bare chest. Sehun shivers slightly, and Kai grins, his eyes crinkling up and causing yet another pain of longing shoot through Sehun’s heart. He would give the world if only to see Jongin smile like that in a different place, somewhere where everything was okay.

Kai distracts him by deftly unbuttoning his jeans, already having discarded his own shirt and tossing it to the side.

“Kai…” Sehun whimpers softly, feebly trying to get away from Kai’s fingers even though he knows by this point there's nothing he can do to stop this.

Kai yanks Sehun’s jeans down more harshly than needed, dragging a small whine from the younger boy as the coarse fabric scratches against his skin.

“Call me Jongin,” Kai whispers in a low tone. Sehun can’t even think about calling him that. This is pure Kai.

Kai tosses Sehun’s jeans off the side of the bed and then tugs his own pants off himself, leaving them both in just their boxers and Sehun’s torn shirt still pooled around his arms. Eyes filled with lust, Kai leans over Sehun and begins sucking kisses into his bare chest.

Sehun closes his eyes as Kai makes his way up his chest and to his neck, trying to ignore the gentleness of the action. Kai’s hands soon find his waist, playing with the elastic band of his boxers before sliding his fingers under the fabric.

Sehun flinches as Kai runs his fingers down his cock, trying to stifle any sounds as the fingers circle around his girth and slowly begin pumping up and down.

Kai bites Sehun’s neck softly one more time before Sehun feels him pull away, and he opens his eyes to find a grin on Kai’s face.

“Feel good yet, Sehunnie?” Kai asks, increasing the pace and pressure on Sehun’s cock, and he lets out a small laugh when Sehun squirms under the touch.

It only takes a few more pumps for Sehun to get fully hard. Kai pauses in his ministrations to rid Sehun of his boxers completely, fingers pressing harshly into Sehun’s waist as he lifts him slightly up off of the bed. He immediately returns to stroking his cock, hand wrapping even tighter around Sehun and causing the younger boy to let out a muffled gasp.

Sehun curses silently at himself and hopes Kai didn’t notice, but--

“You sound like such a slut,” Kai moans, and Sehun closes his eyes tight as he feels shame mixed with arousal coil in his stomach.

The stimulation slowly begins to build into too much, and all too soon Sehun’s breathing gets heavier as Kai pulls him closer and closer to the edge. Kai seems to realize it too, and he speeds up his movements and adds to Sehun’s panic of _it’s only been fucking_ minutes _Oh Sehun I swear if you come now--_

And Sehun’s threats to himself are left unfinished as Kai jerks his hand in _just_ the right way and mutters, “Come on, Sehun, be a good little slut and come for me,” and Sehun’s thighs tense as he spills over Kai’s hand, unable to stop the cries falling from his parted lips.

It isn’t until Sehun falls limp from the rush of pleasure that he realizes Kai has sat up and is now tugging off his own boxers, cock flushed red and still half-hard. Kai leans forwards and Sehun hears a soft clicking noise followed by cool metal sliding off his wrists. His hands fall to the mattress and the thought of freedom fleetingly dances through Sehun’s mind, but he’s too dazed and weakened to act upon it.

Kai doesn’t waste another moment and Sehun finds himself flipped around with Kai’s hand on the back of his neck, pinning him down to the bed.

“Ass up, Sehunnie,” Kai says, and the situation suddenly seems so much more real. Sehun ignores the order, his chest constricting in anticipation and fear.

A resounding _slap_ echoes around the room and Sehun gasps and digs his fingers into the sheets at the blow Kai lands on his ass.

“You aren’t in any position to disobey me like that,” Kai practically growls, and he lays another hit onto Sehun’s ass for good measure. Sehun clenches his teeth but a whine still manages to escape him. “Now. Ass. _Up._ ”

Sehun doesn’t hesitate this time as he moves his knees up to push his chest off the bed, presenting his exposed ass to Kai. Sehun feels hot with humiliation, Kai’s hand still keeping his cheek pressed into the pillows, but for some reason it only makes his soft dick start to harden again.

The hand that’s not busy holding him down on the bed comes into Sehun’s view and presses against his lips, and Sehun doesn’t even fight as he opens his mouth and allows the fingers to enter.

“Suck,” Kai commands. “I don’t have any lube, so you’d better get me as nice and wet as you can.”

A jolt goes through Sehun’s stomach and he doesn’t know if it’s from arousal or fear as he sucks on Kai’s fingers, swirling his tongue around them as they press further into his mouth.

Kai pushes another finger in, a third one, and Sehun almost chokes as they brush the back of his throat. Suddenly, they disappear all at once, and a moment later Sehun jolts forward with a whine when Kai pushes a finger none too gently into his hole.

A thread of arousal weaves its way through Sehun at the thought of Kai fingering him open with his own spit. He wants to cry as Kai adds another finger too soon, the stretch starting to burn, and Sehun’s dick only gets harder and harder.

Kai groans from somewhere behind him, but Sehun is too lost in a blur of tears and pain to properly focus on him.

“You’ve never done this before, have you? Not if you were a good little Jedi back at the Temple,” Kai mocks, and even though he’s right, Sehun cannot answer him right now. “I can’t wait to get inside of you…look at you already, taking my fingers so well. So tight, Sehunnie. You’re going to feel so good around me.”

Kai begins scissoring his fingers inside Sehun, stretching him further and he whimpers. The wetness coating Kai’s fingers is already starting to wear off, the too-much stretch sending pain sparking through him, and Sehun is about to _beg_ to suck on him again until Kai presses a third finger in and brushes up against a spot that sends a shock of pleasure racing through him. Sehun stiffens at the foreign feeling and Kai chuckles, pressing against it again and Sehun’s thighs twitch as he tries in vain to muffle a moan.

“That’s right, I knew you’d like this. It’s going to be even better when that’s my cock pounding into you,” Kai says, and after a few more pumps that leave Sehun whimpering into the sheets, he draws his fingers out and Sehun clenches instinctively around nothing. Sehun hears Kai spit into his hand, and then there is only a faint sound that Sehun assumes is Kai spreading the makeshift lube onto his dick before there is a warm, blunt pressure on Sehun’s hole.

Sehun squeezes his eyes shut and a gasp escapes him as Kai slowly sinks into him. It burns from the insufficient lube and prep and Kai isn’t even halfway inside him. Stuttering moans come from Kai as he pushes in further, and Sehun can’t help but tighten around Kai’s cock from the pain.

“Kai-- ” Sehun sobs, fingers curling into the sheets.

 _"Jongin,"_ Kai warns with a slap to Sehun’s ass before groaning, “You’re being so good for me, Sehunnie, all stretched out around me. Taking me so well like the little slut you are.”

Sehun’s tiny whines of _stop_ and _no_ are lost under the stream of sounds coming from Kai as he finally buries himself completely inside of Sehun. He feels so stretched around Kai; it’s too much, too overwhelming, but the pain keeps sending blood rushing to Sehun’s cock and he feels himself flush red and embarrassment shrivels in his stomach at the fact that he is _enjoying_ this. His body was responding to Kai’s rough treatment whether he liked it or not.

Whatever thoughts and intentions Sehun may have had vanish as Kai slowly pulls back out, his cock dragging against Sehun’s rim, and then slams back in with such a force that Sehun practically _screams._ He can’t stem the broken cries that follow as Kai begins thrusting faster and faster, and Sehun is so far gone he can barely hear Kai’s own moans of pleasure.

What little spit Kai had coated his cock with hadn’t been nearly enough and it _burns,_ each thrust forcing a sob out of Sehun at the pain. The breathy noises coming from Kai above him remind him that Kai is _enjoying_ this, enjoying _hurting_ him, and Sehun wishes that didn’t only make him harder. It doesn’t escape Kai’s notice, either.

“You’re liking this all too much, Sehunnie,” Kai pants out between thrusts. “I knew you liked it rough, but I guess I underestimated just how much of a pain slut you are.”

Sehun doesn't have time to linger on the embarrassment rushing through him because suddenly Kai threads a hand through Sehun’s hair and pulls his head up, causing Kai’s angle to change and a moan to escape Sehun’s mouth as each of Kai’s thrusts begin pounding straight into Sehun’s prostate. The pain arcing through his scalp and the pleasure coursing through his veins combine into a beautiful mix of adrenaline and endorphins and he feels the first tendrils of a second orgasm unfurling in his stomach.

Sehun’s breath hiccups in panic as the possibility of coming again so close to the first time, and he tries to focus more on the pain; Kai’s fingers tangled in and tugging on his hair, the dryness of Kai’s cock pumping in and out and dragging along Sehun’s walls, how stretched out he was around Kai’s girth that felt like he wasn’t going to be able to walk for days.

Sehun clenches around Kai and a whimper falls from his lips, matching the moan that comes from Kai as Sehun tries to convince himself it was to stave his orgasm off for longer, _not_ because he was enjoying it.

“Please--” Sehun sobs out, and even he doesn’t know what he’s begging for anymore.

Kai suddenly pulls out of him, and a brief flash of hope shoots through Sehun until Kai grasps his hips and flips him over, pinning him down with a hungry stare.

“Spit,” Kai says, holding a hand up to Sehun’s mouth, and Sehun feels his insides shrivel with mortification, but Kai doesn’t move, and only thing he can do is swirl the saliva around in his mouth and spit it out onto Kai’s hand. He wants to do nothing more than curl up in on himself in shame and cry, but then Kai is slicking up his cock with _Sehun’s own spit_ and pushing back inside him with a moan, hands falling on either side of Sehun’s shoulders.

Sehun whimpers at the burn, and Kai quickly falls back into his earlier rhythm, sounds spilling from his plush, pink lips that are now right in front of Sehun. He can see each expression that crosses Kai’s face, each tensing of his muscles and the sheen of sweat covering them. It doesn’t take long for Kai to find the right angle that has him pounding into Sehun’s prostate every time he thrusts in. Sehun screws his eyes shut, little whines falling from his mouth at the sensations rolling over him that he can’t stifle.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” Kai says, his voice gravely and low. “You’re doing so good for me, just for me.”

Sehun’s breath hitches at the praise and he instinctively arches his back, sweat rolling down his skin as he tries to fight off the pleasure threatening to crash down over him. His hands somehow find Kai’s wrists, and he vaguely hears Kai chuckle through the blood racing in his ears. Each thrust has Sehun’s thighs tightening, bringing him closer to the edge and he gasps in a breath, eyes shooting open only to find Kai staring right back down at him.

“You think you can come again?” Kai pants, eyes lidded and dark. “For me?

“No, no, no, no, _please_ no,” Sehun chokes, thrashing his head back and forth on the pillow. He can’t, he _won’t,_ not for someone like Kai, but the tight coil low in his abdomen disagrees.

Kai thrusts one, two, three more times, and then Sehun is coming with a cry of “Jongin, Jongin, Jongin,” dissolving into pleasure with a cry as heat rushes through his body from the intensity of the orgasm pulled from him too fast.

When the world rights itself again, Sehun's face hot and flushed with guilt, it takes a couple seconds for him to realize that Kai is still pounding in to him. Sehun squirms underneath him, crying out as the stimulation quickly builds into oversensitivity.

“Ah--! Please, I can’t,” Sehun begs brokenly, helplessly clenching around Kai.

“Fuck,” Kai rasps, his movements faltering before driving deep into Sehun with a groan, and Sehun feels warm liquid fill him up as Kai releases inside him.

Kai exhales heavily and collapses on top of Sehun, cock still in his ass, and Sehun doesn’t have the strength to try to push him off. After their breathing evens out, Kai stretches up and places a soft kiss on the side of Sehun’s neck and Sehun tries not to shudder.

Kai sits up and slowly pulls out from Sehun, and Sehun involuntarily tightens at the empty feeling between his legs. Without a word, Kai slips his arms underneath Sehun and gathers him up to pull him tight to his chest. Sehun doesn’t try to struggle as Kai slowly makes his way over to the bathroom and sets Sehun gently down in the tub. Kai turns on the faucets before stepping into the tub himself, sitting down behind Sehun.

Once the water is high enough, Kai takes a washcloth and some soap and lathers Sehun’s body up, gentle efforts contrasting with the harsh actions in bed, but Sehun is too lost in his own thoughts to fully pay attention. He had lost his free will and ownership of his body in one night, and to none other than Kai himself. He feels like crying, like drowning himself in the tub Kai is washing him down in.

He has no idea what Kai is thinking, the silence from him alien. Does he regret it, and is trying to apologize to Sehun by taking care of him now? Or is he simply cleaning Sehun up to fuck him again tomorrow?

A tear drips out onto Sehun’s eyelashes and falls into the water, and he closes his eyes in resignation and leans his head back to rest on Kai’s shoulder. He feels Kai kiss the top of his forehead, and Kai gently squeezes his arm before running the washcloth over him again.

Sehun doesn’t know how much time has passed when Kai laces his fingers between Sehun’s and whispers, “Come on, Sehun. Let’s get you into bed.”

Sehun lets Kai pull him out of the tub, the warm steam from the bath having tired him even further. Kai wraps a towel around his shoulders before walking him back into the bedroom, sitting him down on a chair to dry off while Kai strips the bed and replaces the sheets. He doesn’t protest when Kai fetches one of his own shirts, slipping it over Sehun’s head before resting him down on the bed and pulling the covers over him. Sehun doesn’t feel like he can move a muscle.

He closes his eyes and occasional sounds of movement reach his ears as Kai moves between the rooms, the gurgling of the tub when Kai pulls the plug and the shifting of clothing when Kai tugs a shirt over his own head. The bed dips when Kai finally joins him, and Sehun wants to cringe away when he drapes an arm over his chest after slipping underneath the covers.

“You did so good, Sehunnie,” he murmurs. “So good for me.”

And Sehun can’t even find a response for that on the tip of his tongue, and his breathing slows in time with Jongin’s, aching for times long past of sunlight and laughter in fields of rolling green. Jongin’s hand resting across his heart is the last thing Sehun is conscious of before he falls into a deep sleep, the first good night’s rest he’s gotten since Jongin left him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry jongin and sehun I promise I love you
> 
> for the flashbacks, sehun and jongin are 10 in the first one, 15 in the second, 19 in the third, and then 23 in the last. the present story takes place six months after the last flashback.
> 
> coronet city is the capital of corellia, the planet my favorite character, han solo, was born on. force awakens who? idk her sorry


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> definitely did not mean to do this, but it happened anyways.
> 
> disclaimer: this is definitely NOT an ending, this has no closure, it's barely over 1k words, etc. this is the start of a sequel that I'm playing around with, but it had been forever since I worked on it so I decided to post the beginning of it. I have no idea when the rest will be done, so don't hold your breath. this also has no actual smut in it, it's pretty much all angst. just a fair warning skjfjsj

Sehun doesn’t speak for five days.

Kai feeds him and Sehun doesn’t protest, Kai washes him and Sehun doesn’t say a word. Some nights Kai will simply fall asleep next to him, but more often than not, Kai climbs over him and pushes into his hole, slowly, sweetly fucking into him before tucking them both under the covers for the night in a way that makes Sehun want to retreat further into himself with only his thoughts as company. He doesn’t say anything in an effort to stop Kai; the only sounds he makes at all is when Kai doesn’t stretch him enough and whimpers fall from his lips in pain.

On the sixth night, when Kai shifts down the bed to have better access to Sehun’s hole to lovingly finger him open again, Sehun has had enough. Somewhere, in the maze of blank thoughts in his head, something wakes up.

“Jongin,” he whispers, his voice cracking from disuse.

Kai looks up, eyes wide and pink lips parted in shock, and he stops his fingers dancing between Sehun’s bare legs. When Sehun doesn’t say anything else, Kai pushes himself up and comes back to the top of the bed next to Sehun.

“Yeah? What is it, Sehunnie?”

Half-propped up on the pillows, Sehun turns his head to look Kai in the eyes, something he hasn’t done since the first night. He can’t figure out how to put all his years of pain into sentences that Kai will understand, and it all collapses down into one word.

“Why?”

Kai looks almost as surprised as he did when Sehun said his name.

“Why? Why what?”

“What do you mean, ‘why what?’” Sehun’s voice is incrementally growing louder, stronger. “Why everything! Why did you leave me when I needed you most, why did you come back now, why are you doing this? Why can’t you just kill me?!”

Sehun doesn’t realize he’s sitting up and sobbing until Kai’s fingers circle around his wrists to remove his grip from the front of Kai’s shirt. He crumples down onto the bed, digging the heel of his palms into his eyes as tears leak out of the corners.

“I’m not going to kill you, Sehun. I love you.”

Sehun looks up into Kai’s face, and through the tears, all he can see is a warped, blurry figure he can’t recognize anymore.

“No, you don’t,” Sehun spits out. “God, I wish you did, because as much as I hate myself for it,  _ I  _ love  _ you.  _ You don’t love me. You just want me. I’m just a hole for you to use and take advantage of and I’m just waiting for you to get tired of me.”

Kai recoils like he’s been stung.

“That’s not...why do you...hate yourself for loving me?” Kai asks, a hurt look in his eyes and Sehun wants to laugh.

“You can’t understand. You’ve changed too much, Kai. I don’t know you anymore.” Eyelids still prickling, Sehun tries to roll over, but suddenly there are hands on his shoulders that flip him back around and then Kai is on top of him, hands pinning Sehun’s wrists above his head.

“It’s  _ Jongin _ ,” Kai says fiercely, eyes flaming as he stares down at Sehun. The facade is only broken by the slight trembling of his bottom lip, and Sehun realizes Kai is  _ scared.  _ Scared of Sehun’s thoughts towards him, scared of Sehun’s opinions on him, scared that Sehun doesn’t want him like he wants Sehun, and that’s when Sehun realizes he has the mental upper hand.

“No, it’s not,” Sehun replies simply. “You killed him. Jongin is gone. Jongin wouldn’t do this. Jongin was my friend.” Sehun’s voice cracks again on the last word, his chest tight.

“More than a friend!” Kai shouts. “You  _ loved _ me. The Code deprived us of that. That’s what I’m trying to show you, Sehun,” he adds, his voice now broken and begging. “Nothing is here to stop us now.”

“ _ Everything  _ is here to stop us now,” Sehun says, and suddenly his breath is stolen away as Kai dips his head down and presses his lips against Sehun’s, taking his hands off Sehun’s arms to rest on either side of him instead. A harsh jolt of fear and something like arousal shoots through Sehun at the sudden action, but it slowly fades away into a dull resignation and he closes his eyes into the kiss.

Kai pulls away and takes in a stuttering breath, and Sehun hesitantly opens his eyes again and his stomach drops when he sees tears running down Kai’s cheeks, glistening in the faint light from the lamp above them.

“Let me show you, Sehun,” he whispers thickly. “Please, let me show you.”

Sehun doesn’t say anything-- _ can’t _ say anything--but he doesn’t make any move stop Kai and Kai takes that as a sign to lean down again and press another kiss onto Sehun’s mouth. This one is softer, but somehow more desperate, and then Sehun is crying again too and their tears mix on their lips in a mess of salt and saliva.

The storm of emotions whirling inside of Sehun is too much for him handle after so many days of his mind suffering in silence, and he finds himself kissing Kai back as his heart burns and screams at him to stop and keep going at the same time.

“That’s right, Sehun, you’re doing so good,” Kai murmurs in between kisses, and he shakily moves to mouth along Sehun’s jaw and cheeks as well, kissing away his tears.

Sehun’s body heaves with an unvoiced sob and he raises his hands to thread them through Kai’s dusty pink hair. His logical thinking has been wiped away by Kai’s tongue, and the only coherent thought pounding in his head is  _ Jongin, Jongin, Jongin, Jongin,  _ repeated over and over like a mantra.

“Let me make love to you,” Jongin whispers, and Sehun’s eyes are squeezed shut as he marks the start of his downfall with a simple, short nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!! i really really appreciate all your support <3
> 
> also, i hate to do this ngl, but i'm going to college next year (i'm 18, i'm taking a gap year now) and so i will have student loans and medical bills for my chronic illness to deal with. if you enjoyed this and have a few $$ to spare, i have a [ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/sekaiworld) if you would like to donate! thank you again for your support!!


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